Best Thought Plans

Today is almost 10 months since we have arrived in Gamba. Since then, it seems that almost everyone have settled done to life in this place. The children, alhamdulillah, have benefitted the most from the international type of learning methodology. They have learnt to learn by asking, build up their personal confidence with friends and teachers, the meaning of time management and introduced further to world of IT. Husband, from my perspective have settled down to his work at the office, more familiar with the ways things goes and with the people he works with.

Comes down to myself, on one side I have settled down to the domesticity of life. I have a good menagere that helps with housework and the younger children. I have good friends that keeps me company during the days and I am trying new things everyday i.e. joining the triathlon, trying to improve my cooking, swimming skills etcs. During these past months, as I mentioned in my previous writings, many of my good friends have and will be leaving this place to move to another country. Jacie was the first to leave to UK, next Teak left last week to go to Belgium and Kazaksthan next, our next door neighbour Germonda left with three of her beautiful girls, Elina, Iris and Amber. I will miss those three girls coming over to our house for playdates and sleep over. These few days Kak Ju and my nearest neighbours, Maria Chen and Mari-Ann will leave this place for good. It is definitely unsetttling with so many family leaving as it makes those that is left behind feel loss and sad. I will remember this as the not so pleasant part of being an expat in a remote place such as here.

Which brings me back to my initial thoughts when my husband was first offered this posting. We had assumed and planned for many things. We thought that Azam & Kak Nisa will always be here as long as we need them. And we do need Malaysian friends here to keep our culture alive. We also thought that I would be able to find a job here like many other trailing company spouses. Then we thought that the given benefits of going back to home country twice a year is good enough for us to keep connected with our families back home.

Now 10 months down the road, these best thought plans may have worked had we choose other places i.e. Nigeria, Holland, Brunei but not here. The remoteness of the place and lack of usual amneties like shops and restaurants have made it quiet difficult to adapt at times. As for getting a job with the company, that too has not materialised and I had a very bad experience related to this, which still pains me very much till today. There is both regrets and thankfulness for me by coming here. I regret to come here to lose my own opportunity to grow my experience and skill. This personal regret I will have to address soon as it had and continues to trouble me on a daily basis.

But at the same time, it is feels foolish to uproot the children again as they have clearly benefitted from their exposure and schooling here. I know they will never be able to get this kind of teachers and school back home in Malaysia. So I know it will be selfish of me to think of myself only. But I have accepted that I am not truly happy to be here as I also admit that I liked my worklife. I was not ready to leave it then, and I was not given the choices. When the opportunity to choose is taken away from you, is a cruel thing a person can do to another.

For now, I will persevere, not sure how long this patience can last while the resentment grows. I will have to decide soon on what I will choose to do. Whatever options are available will have to considered and the consequences accepted.

Till next time, insya-Allah. Perhaps I will go back to writing about happier things. But today, I am sad.