Best Thought Plans

Today is almost 10 months since we have arrived in Gamba. Since then, it seems that almost everyone have settled done to life in this place. The children, alhamdulillah, have benefitted the most from the international type of learning methodology. They have learnt to learn by asking, build up their personal confidence with friends and teachers, the meaning of time management and introduced further to world of IT. Husband, from my perspective have settled down to his work at the office, more familiar with the ways things goes and with the people he works with.

Comes down to myself, on one side I have settled down to the domesticity of life. I have a good menagere that helps with housework and the younger children. I have good friends that keeps me company during the days and I am trying new things everyday i.e. joining the triathlon, trying to improve my cooking, swimming skills etcs. During these past months, as I mentioned in my previous writings, many of my good friends have and will be leaving this place to move to another country. Jacie was the first to leave to UK, next Teak left last week to go to Belgium and Kazaksthan next, our next door neighbour Germonda left with three of her beautiful girls, Elina, Iris and Amber. I will miss those three girls coming over to our house for playdates and sleep over. These few days Kak Ju and my nearest neighbours, Maria Chen and Mari-Ann will leave this place for good. It is definitely unsetttling with so many family leaving as it makes those that is left behind feel loss and sad. I will remember this as the not so pleasant part of being an expat in a remote place such as here.

Which brings me back to my initial thoughts when my husband was first offered this posting. We had assumed and planned for many things. We thought that Azam & Kak Nisa will always be here as long as we need them. And we do need Malaysian friends here to keep our culture alive. We also thought that I would be able to find a job here like many other trailing company spouses. Then we thought that the given benefits of going back to home country twice a year is good enough for us to keep connected with our families back home.

Now 10 months down the road, these best thought plans may have worked had we choose other places i.e. Nigeria, Holland, Brunei but not here. The remoteness of the place and lack of usual amneties like shops and restaurants have made it quiet difficult to adapt at times. As for getting a job with the company, that too has not materialised and I had a very bad experience related to this, which still pains me very much till today. There is both regrets and thankfulness for me by coming here. I regret to come here to lose my own opportunity to grow my experience and skill. This personal regret I will have to address soon as it had and continues to trouble me on a daily basis.

But at the same time, it is feels foolish to uproot the children again as they have clearly benefitted from their exposure and schooling here. I know they will never be able to get this kind of teachers and school back home in Malaysia. So I know it will be selfish of me to think of myself only. But I have accepted that I am not truly happy to be here as I also admit that I liked my worklife. I was not ready to leave it then, and I was not given the choices. When the opportunity to choose is taken away from you, is a cruel thing a person can do to another.

For now, I will persevere, not sure how long this patience can last while the resentment grows. I will have to decide soon on what I will choose to do. Whatever options are available will have to considered and the consequences accepted.

Till next time, insya-Allah. Perhaps I will go back to writing about happier things. But today, I am sad.

Patah Tumbuh, Hilang Berganti...

Again, I'd like to use a Malay proverb that basically means "What is once lost, will always be replaced with  a new one".

This is often said to be true for everything and everyone. But I know it is not true for people. When people leave, the one that comes is never the same as those that left.

I am feeling nostalgic because in the next few months will see the exodus of many of those friends I've come to love and cherish from Gamba. For them, there time here is over and time for them to move to a new place. I have seen a few that left us already... with the lovely Ibu Jenny and Pak Eric ( I wished we had more time with them).

Next week soon it will be my friend Jacie with her Eddy & Terry. She is the only one that I can speak Iban with here and unfortunately I can't speak Bidayuh for her sake as well. I will miss going to her house for tea in the mornings, the "stinky" food sessions at the place.

Then soon it will Teak &  Kak Ju, next Rahma and Kak Nisa and also to be followed by Habiba. So there goes all the friends that has kept me sane within my first few months in this place. I will definitely miss their friendship and the fun that each of them brought to me. To survive here without goods friends would be impossible. This is one of the things that I am thankful for by being here. Had I not come here, I would have not met these ladies.

We've had endless coffee mornings and one awayday in Libreville and several dinner out in Plaine. I used to think that expats wives have too much free time with all these gatherings. But truth is I know now that it what we have to do to keep ourselves busy and occupied. Else we'll forever be missing of the lives, the friends and the jobs that we leave behind to be here. It is not easy being an Expat wife and I have an understanding for that now. I still very much miss my life and work in Miri.

So soon it will be me and Khadija for now... hoping that insya-Allah we will have new friends that will share our comraderie like the sisters that will be leaving us soon.

Till next time, insya-Allah.

Bersawang

It's a Malay word that means spider webb. I meant that for my blog site here. It has been awhile since I last wrote. It has not been easy to write the last week weeks or so. Life will always go on whether you want it or not.


Many things has happened since my last update. We went our first "Expat" holiday since we arrived in Gamba. The family (all big & small of us) went for a great two weeks holiday in London and later Paris. It has been years since my husband & I ever visited London again. The main  tourist attraction like Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, Paddington Square remains the same... with some new paintwork here and there.


We discovered a new place somewhere in London, the area called Bayswater. I certainly love it because not only does it has NOT one but THREE Malaysian restaurant. Call me patriotic or not, but I miss Malaysian food after almost 7 months since we left the country. Can't wait for our journey back home this summer holiday. Malaysiaku Tercinta!!!!


Okay, coming back to the family holiday. Alhamdulillah, we are able to bring the children for our first overseas holiday in where I think is one of the most famous city in the world. I don't know whether they realise how lucky they are because when I was growing up, going to London would be like  going to the Moon because my family was well off.  My childhood holidays was always going back to my parents hometown in Engkelili or Betong. In fact that's how I thought everyone school holiday's were until I went to secondary school where my posher classmates starts talking about their holidays in KL and Singapore.


So my girls and boys are very lucky to visit London at such a young tender age. We went to Museums, London Zoo (fantastic!) and of course, shopping must be included. Including every single supermarkets we saw... Tesco, Good old Sainsbury, Waitrose.  I marvel at the selection of fresh fruits, vege, bread, everything they had to sell.  Next we flew to Paris to bring Aliyah to Disneyland because she didn't come for the Gabon preview trip when we (+ the older two girls) went to Disneyland Paris. Suffice to say, it was the hi-lite of the girls trip because they get to go on Space Mountain ride and Aliyah's favourite "Drive your own car thingy"....


Excellent holiday definitely but we were equally happy to be reaching Gamba after our two weeks sojourn. We do miss our home, for now it is in Gamba and we will cherish it as long as we are here.


So as always, Life goes on here. Sometimes good, sometimes not so pleasant.


Till next time, Insya-ALLAH.

HOPE

 “Hasrat yang tak didapat adalah nikmat yang paling padat”

~A. Samad Said, 1976~

Very recently I had to face a certain disappointing situation work related. The exact nature I shall not divulge further as I see it as one important life's lesson to be learnt and remembered. It was a difficult situation and I am heartbroken, upset, angry and felt very much victimised.

What did I learnt ?

That in my opinion, the biggest sin of all is lying. Lying destroys whatever credibility and standard self respect one may have for another.

That racism is, although no longer practised openly, is still very much prevalent in some people's hearts and minds.

That although one may advocate that fair opportunity for all and diversity & inclusiveness is very much respected, favouritism and sameness are still governing the decisions made.

Being lied to and victimised due to being who I am is very painful and damaging to the self esteem. I have accepted that there is nothing I can do as it has happened and can't be undone. I believe it has been fated for me and pray to ALLAH that HE give me the strength and courage to continue on this journey.

For my faith to remain steadfast despite the odds that seems to be so against me now. This has not been easy. And as for hope...

Hope that justice will prevail in the end and that those responsible will receive their deserving returns one day. Hoping for this to be much sooner than later.

Hope that other better opportunities will be open to me and may my luck be better next time. I recall a saying “ When one door closed, another will open, just don't spend too long looking at the closed one “. So other doors, please open for me.

Hope that with time, this pain in my heart will lessen. To forget, I don't wish to forget as this lesson in trust is very important. To forgive, at this moment, no.

Insya-ALLAH.

Please hope for and with me. Thank you.

Again till next time, insya-ALLAH.

Dreams from My Childhood

While I was growing up, our family had to move around a lot due to my late father's job. He works with the government and back then government servants normally have to move to different locations every few year.

If I recall, I had went to three primary and four secondary schools during my eleven years of school years. I wasn't sure whether my parent realised how hard moving to new schools was for me (these things were not discussed openly in my household). Due to these constant move, I often get confused this friend is from which and which school whenever I came across my childhood friends now. On the plus side, I had made more friends but I wished I had the opportunity to stay longer with some.

Of all the friends, those that I love the most are my best buddies from my time in Sarikei. We had went to Primary 5 and 6 together and then we moved to Form 1 to the neighbouring secondary school. We were always together in school and afterschool. Cycled everywhere in town, pretended that we were detectives, sliding with cardboards at the hills near Helena's house. Grew up from a child to a young teen together. So when I had leave those friends, it broke my heart and I never really did find a similar group after that.

Coming back to my childhood dreams, one of them, predictably, was to be able to stay at one school forever and stick with the same friends till I finished school. Another big dream was to be able to learn to play the piano. During my time (children of the 80's), learning to play the piano was only done by those who has well-off parents. In school, it was normally my Chinese classmate with parents who are either doctor, accountant or businessman. I did not see classmate of any other races going to piano lesson. So obviously asking my parents whether I could take piano lessons was out of the question. I don't know why it was the piano that I chose to dream about. I guess it was the dream of being able to play an instrument well … come to think of it, I think I chose the piano because I saw it as a grand and beautiful piece of musical instrument (I had the opportunity to see one up close during my Chinese New Year visit to that particular classmate).

Now all grown up and better off economically, alhamdulillah, I finally achieved my dream to learn to play and bought a piano myself. I learnt for about a year with Teacher May. She was a good and patient teacher. Unfortunately I think I have overestimated myself …. I found that I don't have the patience to practise and practise, considerably tone-deaf, can't read the notes (no matter how much I try to remember), no natural in-built rhytm and melody. So I stopped when I was pregnant with Wajdi and never resume my lesson since. I have my regrets, of course and hope that I will find the time and perserverance to take up piano again one day.

So last Sunday, Hasanah was given the opportunity to perform a piano recital at the Yenzi Plaza during an Arts & Music fair. We had sent all our three daugthers for piano lessons while in Miri since they were young. Hasanah started with violin when she was 7 years old and piano when she was 8 years old. She had obtained Piano Grade 2 and missed Grade 3 test last year because we thought that we'll have already moved to Gabon by then and thus didn't enroll her for the exam. Now in Yenzi, we're fortunate that there is a teacher offering piano lessons. I have enrolled Hasanah & Afifah to continue with their lessons here.

Back to the Art & Music fair, needless to say Hasanah performed excellently. I am very proud of her as she was able to play a difficult and long piece (hands crossing, pedal required and an 8 minute classical piece called 'Sonata') very well and calmly just like a professional piano player. She gained the admiration and respect of the multinational audience. Here is one quiet unassuming Malaysian girl wearing a hijab but able to play the piano beautifully.

I may not be able to realise my dream of being a concert pianist, but I am equally happy that my daughter has learnt to love the piano as well and doing a better job at it than I am.

To Hasanah, I am so proud of you and admire your perseverance in learning. May you have many more piano perfomances in future, insya-Allah. My eldest baby has grown up so fast, it feels like only yesterday she was this tiny little girl sleeping on my shoulder.

To Flo, Ruth, Cory, Yoke Meng, Helena and Evelyn, I missed our times together.

Till next time, insya-ALLAH

TAKEN FOR GRANTED....

My husband wrote in his blog few weeks ago about his passion for cycling. We both share this love for cycling and have been renewing that love while here in Gabon.

Today Kak Ju and I were teaching two of our ladies friends to cycle. They have never cycled before this back in their own country nor did they had the opportunity to learn during their childhood. One was not able to cycle due to financial constraint while growing up as in her country a bicycle is considered a luxury. The other was constrained by the norms of being a girl i.e. her society frowned upon girls doing what is deemed as a “boy's thing to do”. I never thought that riding a bike was only boy's stuff before......

This afternoon, in the open air and underneath the clear Gamba sky, they got on the bike for the first time of their life and tried their very earnest to balance, to pedal, to cycle on a straight line and to stay on the bike longer than a few seconds (intermittently there were either curses or prayer for divine intervention, I wasn't quite sure as they were speaking in a foreign language :)

For myself, it was a joy to see and teach as it brings back the memory of my own first time. Everyone have their own special memory. The joy was to see two very grown up women, each with children of their own, trying to master a skill that most of us have taken for granted. To them, it was a wonder to see other ladies cycling so freely and when it was their turn to learn, they said “ But you all make it look so easy!!!!! It is not easy at all.”

True. I am sure that it was not a piece of cake for anyone to learn cycling for the first time. The frustration, the fear, the many falls and scratches were there to remind us but once we learn, we never forget.

To quote Confucius “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. So for my two good friends, today is their first step. Salute. I hope to write soon that they have learnt to bike. Wish us well.

I too love cycling. Till next time, insya-ALLAH.


*Updates*
I am pleased to report that one of the two friends have been successfully indoctrinated to the world of cycling. She did it within less than 1 hour which is amazing considering her "young" age and no prior cycling experience. She also arrived late for her lessons :P. Thats proves that some people can surprise you unexpectedly. Meanwhile the other one seems to be discouraged by the first experience. We just have to wait patiently as these sort of things can't be forced.

BISMILLAHIRRAHMAN-NIR-RAHIM ......

First of all thanks to my hubby who has created this blog site for me. I have been meaning to do it myself for a while but as usual, when it comes to internet matter, it is not my forte.

So welcome to me. What do one write for the his/her first blog? I am not really sure. Few topics came across my mind and I have decided that I will try to write about those in time. For today I would like to share my insights about Gamba particularly Yenzi Camp, where we are currently residing.

It is a small residential housing area with about 100 houses (??? or so, I don't really know, I am guessing). This housing area was built for the company staff and their family. The houses design and layout are similar to those in Miri Camp.

When we first came here for a preview visit way back in April last year, I couldn't really gauge the feel of camp life as we came during school holiday time (Easter) so most of the residents where flying out for their holidays. At the time, I had no specific impression on the camp except that the houses were decent considering this is a country in Africa. The town is called Gamba and it is similar to Bekenu. Now I just say to folks back home that Gamba is the same in size with shops like those I have seen in Engkelili, my late father's hometown. There is only one airport, one supermarket (½ the size of Kenyalang in Miri) plus few more wooden shops in town.

Come mid September last year, the family moved to Gamba to follow my husband's work posting here. So for the last few months, we have been experiencing the expat life staying in a remote foreign place like Gamba. Definitely it is no place like those of the more glamorous postings like Manila, Dubai, Holland, Norway etcs. Life here is still very simple, exciting (come elephant season), humbling (when you see how the locals live) and to a certain extent, sometime difficult.

Difficult is to find food that you are used to back home. Coming from beloved Malaysia, I am sure this is the common problem all Malaysians faced when they moved overseas. The richness in taste and variety of our food coupled with the passion we have for eating, we often carry that wherever we go. So yes, good food is difficult to get here, no decent takeaway shop and not much halal food option available. Fresh fruits, meat and fish are hard to come by.

But there are definitely things to LOVE about Gamba and Yenzi Camp. I don't know where to start because there is plenty. School for my children is only a stonethrow away (no joke, I can throw a stone to the school compound from my house, I think). I can see the school from my house patio and my kitchen sink view is children cycling to school every morning. The office is about 7 minutes by car and hubby cycles to work everday, weather permits. The school is excellent with good teachers and interesting teaching methodology.

The school follows the British syllabus so my children has to brush up on their English, whether they like it or not. The school has excellent after school activities (we called it co-curriculum back home). Now where we have Scouts, Girl Guides, Red Crescent society but guess what the children here are doing after school? They are learning skating ( a.k.a rollerblading), water-skiing (I know, I know, I myself is envious at Hasanah who is doing this), line dancing (not just poco poco), nature club with experts from WWF (with real bird watching, fishing in the pond) and many others that can't be mentioned for fear of invoking more jealousy out there :P

These incredible activities are possible due to the talented and very supportive parents we have in Yenzi camp. They have allocated their time one day every week to teach the children these new skills. Merci beaucoup!!! I should also mention that swimming is an official subject at the school. Now what is there not to love about going to school with this much exciting stuff happening??

For me, I am thankful for these opportunities for my children to be exposed to new things and making friends with different language, nationalities and religion.

One more thing that the family is enjoying tremendously here, is the freedom to cycle anywhere we want in the camp. I think I forgot how liberating it was to feel when you are cycling with the wind in your face. I cycle to send Wajdi to school and yes, a 3-year old like him also cycles to go to his kindergarten. So cute with his blue bike and helmet! Now this would not be possible back in Miri with the dangerous traffic. My bike (my beloved Gazelle bike) is attached to a 2-seater child carrier at the back (my kids called it the taxi). So I can bring my little Shukri and Wajdi even when I am cycling. I love it and am so glad that we managed to get it just in time before we left for Gabon.

The girls cycle to school, to swim class and to their after school activities. Aliyah even perfected her cycling skill here as she was still on training wheels when we first came and graduated to two wheel within the first month (out of necessity as she was determined to cycle to the pool like the rest of her classmates). Everything in camp i.e. school, the kindy, the club, your friend's house is all within 2 to 3 minutes of cycling time. Heaven! Hope I can slim down a bit with all this cycling ehem ehem.....

Our house is a single storey with 3 bedrooms and a patio. There are no gates and the house compound is huge. While I am typing, I took a peek outside and can see our flower garden beginning to take shape. I didn't realise how much I love having a huge compound. We had a tiny patch of land at the back of our Miri house, just enough for a cherry tree and a swing but not much left for a flower garden.

This a long first posting but I didn't know how to condense it any shorter. There is beauty in living here. To be able to enjoy the simple things in life like cycling, great school and the convenience of having everything nearby is something be thankful about, syukur alhamdulillah. We have also made some great friends. I am hoping when it is time to go, that we will be able to find a similar charming housing area like this in Malaysia. I shall have faith.

Till next time, insya-ALLAH